jon's neighborhood is riddled with foxes. not surprisingly, there are no rabbits. the foxes are a nuisance, just like the bluebells are a nuisance. they (the foxes, not the bluebells) scatter the shoes and gloves. they (the foxes) poo as they walk, leaving driblets along the sidewalk, in contrast to the doggy piles. i like the foxes as they slide along the night and squeeze thru the cracks.
i think there should be a singular to sheep that's different from sheep--maybe shoop. shoop. shoop de doop. shoop de doop de doop de doop.
these days leading up to xmas, i'm trying to figure myself out. i feel like someone pushed a pause button. everything takes too little and too much effort. everything is within reach, but i'm too lazy to reach. i'm afraid i'll fall into something haphazardly again, like i did with finance; only this time, i won't escape so easily. a narrow miss, that. the thought of finance for the rest of my life used to make me panic. what will i have done? but i didn't have the guts to deny the easy money. and now that i'm out...do i want to go back? how many more years can i do before i'm trapped? i don't want to define myself thus. how long before it starts shaping me. a variation on the theme: commitment fears, mortality fears.
but if finance is unworthy of me, then what else? and do i have a right to demand more? is all of this just laziness under the mantle of idealism? why should i get to pick and choose, why not be satisfied with my lot. it seems uniquely gen y to demand fulfillment from work, to be attached to our careers, and this reliance we have on institutions will surely only disappoint. ppl not so long ago used to go to jail for ideals like democracy. we are too jaded for that (what is democracy really? a big word. and the state. the state is just people, most of whom i probably wouldn't like--i've gotten snippety with age). and we've learned not to believe too much and not to stick our necks out too much. everything's gotten smaller. and now i'm completely off track.
i've been toying with the idea of a blue collar job. construction site. would i derive a zen satisfaction from it? but then, shouldn't i be able to derive the same satisfaction from say, really applying myself to something, anything, like drumming. or french.
scratch all of that. erika and i are going traveling since we're both destitute. hurrah!
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4 comments:
don't forget you're young lily! it's a big amazing world out there. brave it :D
meet us (karen,orian&co.) in africa with erika. do it...do it...you know you want to :P
oh, and if you're interested, we have a 12 hour layover at heathrow airport sat jan10. we would love to see you!!
minwah! can you send me your itinerary for africa? i dunno if erikas and i can do the full 8 months, but we'd def love to join you guys for at least part of it...
i'm flying back from france on the 10th, but i'm flying into lutin airport, not heathrow. but i'd love to see you. will you guys be stuck in the airport the entire time? or would you like to venture into the city a bit?
i think we'll be stuck in the airport for the entire time. i'm feeling a bit lazy to change money into pounds, and get my butt out to the train and the city. but i could probably be convinced otherwise. and i don't know what karen, orian, and nate are planning to do. we're arriving at 8:30 in the morning and leaving 8:30 at night.
as for itinerary [haha], our 'general plan' is up the east...mozambique, tanz, kenya, ethiopia, sudan, egypt. but we're kinda just planning along the way. so i couldn't exactly tell you when we will get to where. i'll keep you posted when i get a better idea though.
that's exciting! i was getting really psyched talking to erika about it too. who would've thought a wilg reunion in africa?!
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