the dentist

the lady who cleaned my teeth this morning scared the shit out of me. now don't get me wrong, this isn't the first time i've had to fudge my flossing history a little. i'm an old salt when it comes to de-guilting the guilt trips. the simple truth is this: i don't floss. not a little, not at all. it's just not who i am. but she just kept prodding: do you floss? no, not really. a little bit? no, not really? once a month? nope...not really...! and then she proceeded to lecture me for a good half hour about how my teeth were gonna fall out and how my mouth was gonna be the venice of mouths (root canals galore). i mean, really!

i think i believed her as opposed to all my previous "you need to floss" lecturers because she sprinkled her scare tactics with scientific facts. like how you need to be extra careful on the outsides corners of your upper teeth (near tooth number 1 and 16) because that's where your saliva glands are, and saliva makes plaque harden more quickly. i learned lots about bone structure and gum structure and why certain wisdom teeth need to be pulled while you're still young whereas others can wait. interesting, to be sure, but i think i would've preferred not to know.

will i change my teeth tactics? hmmm...who knows. they're always surprised by how good my teeth are despite the non-flossing. meaning there's no real danger, right? one thing's certain, if i do start flossing, it's because of my ongoing quest to become julia roberts (i can't wait to be caught flossing and accused of drug abuse. CAN'T WAIT!), not because of some cunning hygienist's propaganda. modern dentistry? pshaaww. they always make me feel like a horse anyways.