its beginning to smell a lot like christmas

the promotions just came out, and philipp (my boss) is now an MD! yay! he insists that deep down, he's still the same old philipp, but just in case, i've taken to sir'ing him. "would sir like a coffee?" and so on. one never knows how careful one should be. jk. i only do it b/c it makes me feel very charlie brown and somewhat southern. yesterday he tried to make us stop sir'ing, to which we began sire'ing, and now we can sir to our big bald heads' content (who says hearts are the only organs seeking content? p.p.s. it's weird that content means happy but contention means strife).

hold that thought. i just lost a food challenge, and my face is covered in chocolate donut (not to mention egg). a bit of background: brian bought me a rice box from the congee place. as soon as he gets back to the office, a broker turkey arrives. keep in mind that i already have a box of half eaten lobster penne in the fridge and that i'm leaving for a 5 day vacation tonight. now. what would you do? hmmm? of course, you'd do your darndest to give both meals the respect they deserve. so. i eat all the beef and veg and egg from my lunch box. spurning the rest of the rice, i go whole hog for the turkey (mom would be proud--all those years of buffet meals has prepared me for just this moment in my professional life--its all about priorities). i can only describe free turkey meals at work so many times, but i guess once more can't hurt: cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, two types of gravy, sweet potatoes, nutty, mushroom stuffing, and of course a ham+turkey. i'm digging in with both hands, turkey bones hanging from my mouth, crunching on the cartilege, chewing the fat, wiping my brow, and carrying right on. finallly, i'm sated. full. i even say no to the proffered wing (what's the difference between proffering and offering? probably the same as between a raven and a writing desk). and then, as i'm taking a stroll around the floor (another tip taught by years of all-you-can-eating--when the pain sets in, a stroll around the floor always helps), drew (another new promotion) shows me the donuts.

the chocolate cake donuts are the only ones left, but those are my favorites anyways. he bets me i can't eat 3 in a minute. we line up a few more people on his side of the bet, so the stakes are: if i can swallow 3 in 1 min, i get HKD 800. if i can get 3 in my mouth inside of 1 min, we're flat. if i can't, i owe them all coffee. well, i couldn't. i got thru 2, and the last one sat soaking in my cups of hot water. i thought that would be an ingenious idea--presoaking them. turns out, i should've brought a spoon if i was gonna turn em into sludge. the coffee cost me HKD 160.

people kept asking me afterwards if i felt alright. they were concerned i would puke. but in all seriousness, folks, its only 2 donuts. i can eat 2 donuts in my sleep with both hands tied behind my back while yodeling. the only real after effect is the jitteriness. maybe its the sugar rush, more likely, its the adrenaline rush. i think i did alright for my first speed eating contest. normally, i'm a volume girl. aw fuck it. there's no graceful way to sign off from an entry like this. see yall later.