ruminations from bangkok

i can't seem to get it up for tournaments, especially as a handler on a coed team (especially in a hat tourney). i've taken to caffeinating to stoke up, but is it worth it? the stakes aren't high enough...it doesn't feel like my play makes much of a difference (someone will fuck up eventually)...there's not enough running on d (its more of an attention span exercise than an athletic one against most girls). these are my excuses. why can't i stay motivated? ultimate is ultimate after all...shouldn't i rise to the challenge? be the big fish in a small pond (enough cliche's yet?)...what to do.

what should my priorities be whilst playing asian ultimate? to spread the sport? to enhance understanding of rules? (and how nitpicky should i be?) to improve myself? if i'm called as a handler, am i allowed to go deep? am i allowed to make the fast break? am i allowed to try 30% throws in the hopes of making them better? should i stay disciplined? how slippery is the slope to bad ultimate?

aside: there's also a tendency for handlers to make all the cuts. since there's very little d and the strongest ppl tend to play handler, its very easy to make continuous up the line cuts. i guess there are situations in which this could be useful, but i think it makes the mid cut really really hard to time (off of whom should you cut?). it's very frustrating for the mid to have to cut and clear and cut and clear because the handlers keep squirreling. also, communication isn't good enough amongst handlers to where the cuts are freebies...as in, misfires still happen..,and then you've just turned it on a 5 yard pass. this behavior forms a cycle: handlers squirrel, mids stop cutting (because what's the use?), handlers complain that mids aren't cutting and squirrel more. sometimes, stagnation is not a mid's fault, it's a handler's.

d is even trickier. if i shut my girl down, it usually doesn't make any difference. they wouldn't have thrown to her anyways. so bait? poach? will i know how to stop baiting, poaching when i need to? will i remember how to cut against real defense?

my attitude makes a difference to the team, but i'm not a happy player; i'm a ball-of-hate player. i'm not good at coddling newbies unless they're serious about the sport. i need to learn to challenge myself. it's all been said before. i need to acquire a long forehand.

three things to work on:
1. acquire long forehand (still!)
2. cutting deep (i've actually got height/read on most girls here)
3. timing the first cut better (i've slipped a lot on starting my cut early enough, but i blame some of it on not knowing my handlers very well). i also tend to carry my cut a little too far. clear faster.

so basically, i need to be a better handler, a better deep, and a better mid. easy.