S's

well henri, i'm finally busy at work. are you happy now? i enjoy work the way one enjoys gum...it's not ecstasy, but it offers satisfaction without requiring emotional involvement: just keep chewing. i'm picking up more britishisms. does one fancy this or that? i curse with the flippancy of a soulless street child.

a boy invited me to learn scuba diving in the phillipines over xmas...which would be awesome, except i'm afraid of romantic undertones in a commital way, and i find myself rivaling yang in fear of such things. i don't get much time off anyways, so it's a moot point. maybe because i need to ape maturity at work, my innards have shed skins to reveal a slippery seal. that's the best i can do to describe my mental state...like these years will leave no mark, a blank time in my life, so don't get attached, don't let it out...catch me if you can. (you can't--i'm the gingerbread man)

if only i could will myself to sarasota, where things matter, where people are real. giants moving amongst men. listen: your heart pounds within me.